maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
try to milk me bitch
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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