his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
