What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
