Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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