But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
