oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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