We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize