I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
