I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
A bitchslap is in order.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
