Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
