yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Your penis caused this!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
