wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
