Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
