my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize