Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
