I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
