ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
