so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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