someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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