Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
