Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
