we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
