Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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