Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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