i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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