watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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