I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
