and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
