I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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