The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
