Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
