HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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