Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
