so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
