drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize