my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the day after is always just damage control
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
