So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
