Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
