So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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