If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize