This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
