i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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