I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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