Soap is not a condiment
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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