Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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