Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
