I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
