If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
