Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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