so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is wine microwaveable?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
