I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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