if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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