I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
