Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
