If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
where am i from again
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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