How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
