I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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