we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
