I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
