Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
