Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
