i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
