I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
