You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
