i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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