Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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