Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
